I may not have the best track record of consistency in any one part of my life. But life is not consistent, I suppose. Again, after weeks of submitting my life to the Lord with the potential of freedom by His grace, there has been progress in my growth in trusting Him. However, this week in particular has led me to consistent battles inside my heart, between me and God; I want my past and my present to collide into a better future, but that isn’t going to happen. Nothing I do will make that happen!
Also, there is this place where I continue to return to, whether it be in my dreams or in my daily life. It is a place where hanging on to the past brings me more comfort than this new ground with the Lord. He offers it every second of every bit of my life, but what do I do with it? Toss it out. Battle it. Leave it for later.
I know it would be inspiring or encouraging to know that I am ready to grasp on to Grace and take daily steps away from my identity in myself—in sin. Though I love the Lord my God most, I do not want to go there yet. Basically, I want to hurt. I want to dwell in it. For today.
