I want to be a mommy when I grow up!

Children's children are a crown to the aged,
and parents are the pride of their children. (Proverbs 17:6 NIV)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm totally fine with not being a mom right now--because I know it takes time away from myself and turns it toward my child. But when I do become a mom, that's exactly what I want, to be humbled by the responsibility and love it takes to raise my children to know and see and be with Jesus. I look forward to those days, but it will have to be awhile. Where are you, prince charming ;)


Kidding. Slightly. :)

Jesus is the solid ground on which I stand.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him. (Psalm 40:1-3 NIV)

Oh, peeps! So much is happening in my little corner of life. God is taking me through good, deep lessons about life and His people that I cherish every day. Things like babysitting consistently, so I'm being stretched as a responsible adult who can show grace and love to young people; new friends which tremendously bless me and stretch my understanding of how to be a better friend to anyone; and little household things which make me feel more knowledgable and more creative (food and art)!

My desire to keep a blog is still consistent, but I really just am soaking so much up and constantly changing, or so it seems, that I just don't want to make even more time out of each day to write about it...instead I share it with the people closest to me!! But I don't think many people are reading these posts, so I don't feel so bad. If you are, I apologize. Maybe things with change sooner than later and you'll see more of me. Until then, peace and grace be with you from Christ Jesus our savior!

Xoxo Sarah J

Garlic smells skunky. Great.

I tried too hard to peel garlic tonight for the yummy chicken bruchettta recipe and now my hands smell like skunky garlic stink. Whyyyyy? Anyways. I'm listening to the Adele station on Pandora, which is much better with all the other stations I have made over time. Right now, Ordinary Day by Vanessa Carlton is playing....ah the memories of middle school and crushes. OK, I'm rambling about silliness, yes, I know.  The reason I actually got on here to write is to to tell you all who may read this that I found a minor that encompasses professional writing! SO inevitably enough, this blog will be moved one day and be much more purposeful. I am SO excited!!

impaled by grace…or the thought of it

I may not have the best track record of consistency in any one part of my life.  But life is not consistent, I suppose. Again, after weeks of submitting my life to the Lord with the potential of freedom by His grace, there has been progress in my growth in trusting Him.  However, this week in particular has led me to consistent battles inside my heart, between me and God; I want my past and my present to collide into a better future, but that isn’t going to happen. Nothing I do will make that happen!

Also, there is this place where I continue to return to, whether it be in my dreams or in my daily life. It is a place where hanging on to the past brings me more comfort than this new ground with the Lord. He offers it every second of every bit of my life, but what do I do with it? Toss it out. Battle it. Leave it for later.

I know it would be inspiring or encouraging to know that I am ready to grasp on to Grace and take daily steps away from my identity in myself—in sin. Though I love the Lord my God most, I do not want to go there yet. Basically, I want to hurt. I want to dwell in it. For today.

Funny how things happen (not really)

So, my last post began my almost entire week of sadness and depression. It was a bit pathetic now that I look back at it...but I won't regret it. I think in the redemption from my pity-party, I began to notice things about me and my heart that I have never recognized as my own before. Like, I struggle to let God control everything around me in response to fear. I know this is what many of us struggle with...but when do you actually take it up as your own struggle? When does it become real?? It finally is real to me. Not only do I understand but I am for once in my life, reacting to change it. I recognize that I cannot change anything about myself without constant communication and help from Jesus, through reading the Word, much conversation with Him, and talking to other women. 

I'm also trying to take up the truth that I am too hard on myself. There is a time to be sorry, but I guess I word it outloud a lot harsher than I intend, and I believe what I say out loud, therefore changing what I really believe and taking on more than I need to. I am now asking God to change that about me too. I think maybe the only way I do this is from trying to focus on Him and surrender my earthly desires each day, resulting in me trying to control things instead of accepting His grace for what it is. I want to change.

A little update on me. ;)

 Well, I stayed home for school. Classes were available online through my college, so I stuck with those and am taking a full semester (praise the LORD!) so my loans are still in effect this term.  The church community here has been so strong and easy to get plugged into. I feel like even if some friendship dynamics are changing while I am home, I have no worry that I am on my own or without a close friend if I need one. Also, more importantly, I am eager to be helping others. I guess I just am really getting hooked on being of service to others sometimes. It feels so right, I mean I have a life to live and I don't think it needs to be all about me...

Alternatively, and shamelessly, I have spent an entire two days at home (avoiding people a bit) because I just want to be alone....that isn't good either. I think I struggle knowing that loving my family in Christ should be no different at the house than outside of it. It is hard for me to be in my own house because though I see my whole family growing, it is small, baby steps. Steps I want to encourage, but often want to take for them. I want to step in with eagerness for them to be closer with Jesus!! Lord providing, He keeps humbling me though. Piece by piece.

;) love life. I love how He does it.....

The Times, They are a Changin'

God, please be with me as I move to make a transition for the upcoming months. Please guide me in my choices with food, time, and money. Send your Spirit to push me into a community of followers who will support me and give me wisdom from You. Help me to give love that You help me to understand through You, to others. Help me to be a better servant to my family and to my friends. I need You every day, in every moment. Please, help me to remember to ask and to also surrender all to You.

In Your Son's Holy and Powerful Name, Jesus, 

Amen.

Something has been going on lately. I've been made aware.

  The past two weeks, I have been home on Christmas break from school. As blessed as the time has been with friends and family, I have not been feeling well again. The headaches, rough sleep, long days, and poor digestion have been dragging me down through all of it. I feel so tired of being sick. I've been sick for way too many years..and without real reason. 

Through many encounters with different friends and relatives, I am learning a lot about how what I eat truly effects my body. At first, I thought I just needed to cut back on irritants like dairy and gluten (wheat) as well as processed, unhealthy things. Well, I have been doing that for the whole fall semester. I do feel better overall than past years, BUT there is still no positive change in my health! My teeth are falling apart in strength. My digestion is painful.  My body aches. I get colds more frequently since the first one in November, like it just won't go away. And my skin, face, and nails just do not look healthy and vibrant like I feel on the inside sometimes. I'm losing steam...not all at once, but with each season of illness and each break from the busy life of work and school. Any time my body knows it can stop from the rush, it crashes. This cannot continue, or I fear when I am 30 I will be much worse off than now and less able to spend time to turn it all around.

This is my goal.

I would like to go on a no-candida(yeast free) diet over a span of three to however many months it takes to rid my body of all build up yeast storing inside my organs.  In many websites and books you will find that yeast is normal and good, but we so seldom in America do not know how our habits quickly rise its amounts in our body.  The effects of too much yeast can cause so many problems that it looks like simply "family-prone" issues like allergies, indigestion, recurring ear infections or sinus infections, poor skin health and it goes on and on. The big question for me is will anyone support me in this change?

Doctors are said not to be supportive because though the scientific research has been done, Medical schools have not been training in treating this problem after so many years of treating all of its side effects. Doctors are more like "treat and go" practitioners than holistic detectives for our health. I do thank my doctors for spending the last few years sending me in for hundreds of labs to try to solve my health problems, but the fact that they keep doing tests and keep getting normal results despite my never-fading symptoms is a HUGE sign to me that this is not the best way to give me good health. I need nutrients. I need time. I need pure ingredients entering my body, not chemically made substances controlling it.

I have come to the thought that if I took this semester at home, online, and was able to use my own kitchen, my own markets and my own house to supply myself with the items I need to start this huge change in diet and lifestyle, than I should be able to move into my rental house this June to work full time all summer and continue college on campus. The thought here is, if I don't do this now, I will never do it all the way. I will never have the support inside a dorm with friends eating normal food, cooped up inside and stuck with campus food since I do not have a full kitchen on campus. There will be too much temptation with all the normal college kids, doing their normal things that maybe will look different for me. If I am at home, won't I be able to have less pressure to live on the spur of the moment? Will I not be pushed to settle for living in the present and not worrying if staying up late tonight will mess up tomorrow? Do not mistake my intentions, I would MUCH rather stay on campus than move back home for six months. I love college life and would love to stay there as much as possible, not to mention I love the job there soooooo much I cannot imagine being gone for six months from those kiddos! I don't want to be home while my friends are at school. This is not easy for me to do, but it is conerning that I trust God in whatever He lays out for me.  I will be praying this week and see what happens. The school needs to know by next Friday. Wish me good heart!