Heart on sale….wait.

As I stated in the last post, I will share how I know what to expect for my love life from now on.

First of all, I do not wish to be noticed as “Single” and available. I’m not interested in meeting anyone right now or the idea of being with anyone.  I’ve met the perfect man for me and I’m letting God handle the rest.  I might be single the rest of my life. Or, He might have a husband in store for me. I’m willing to focus on growing as a woman of the Lord and establish a deeper understanding of maturity and womanhood through Christ-centered friendships and role models.

With my ex, even as I was not looking to God at the time we dated, I noticed a few things that must exist in my marriage:

Jesus!

Roles of man and woman as God created them

Family—the love for it and the addition of new members, God willing

Great friendship with each other and each other’s friends

Interest in the community that use our talents and strengths, both as a couple and as individuals

Prayer. How can we be honest and open with each other if we are not daily talking to God—our clever Matchmaker

Finally, a love so pure and humble that it just glows from our eyes and the words we speak to each other.

 

This is really hard for me to share, because I have experienced this love. My ex and I were perfect for each other. So perfect, we didn’t bother to protect ourselves from the chance (and inevitable) that we will let each other down. Now…I am 99.999% certain that the one thing that would have changed us is allowing God in to the relationship too. Yeah, we still would sin and hurt each other over time, not on purpose, never on purpose, but because we think we can do what we cannot (be perfect).  I’ve tried to protect him once and it turned out I was foolishly trying to be more powerful than I was. I needed him to do what I couldn’t from the get go, and that was be assertive to someone else. Taking that power away from him by lying to him just left three months of time to shade his view of me with the question of how trustworthy am I at all? One lie. One secret that I left behind me was surfaced in the most twisted and unpleasant way. I’m thankful I learned this lesson about myself now and not down the road, but the pain is not at all light. I still hurt from this daily because of how deeply I love him. I assume he is still hurting but I don’t know, we don’t talk. If I could tell him anything it would be that I still love him and I’ve cut off the poison that leaked into our relationship for good. I’m trying my best and God is doing what I cannot do alone. Praise Him on high for all great forgiveness and love! Thank You, Father for teaching me and loving me when I feel the least loved. In Jesus’ name.

Life Lessons

If you are or have at some point actively pursued a relationship with God--have you ever stopped to think that praying for the problems and people in your life feels pointless because God is going to do what He wills anyways? Well, today I was thinking of yet another reason to pray for someone specifically because I am quite frightened for the effects of their choices as it is blinding them and pulling them farther from everyone into isolation.  But then it hit me as I was asking that very question to a sibling in Christ Jesus--my worrying is not going to help them as much as it is me.

Praying to God about it is good, yes, but if I don't just let it go and give him the reigns..it's not an active thing. It's passive and moving nowhere. Also, my brother in Christ reminded me that prayer is ultimately a way that God causes us to see we can and do have a relationship with Him. He is our Counselor, Friend and Father. He wants us to ask for help, forgiveness, and peace but He also needs us to do so to see that He is God and He is here! We ask not just to feel like we are heard, but to have communication. We are born in need of communication, that's why we aren't the only human being on this planet. We were created to be in communion with Him first and foremost. What a great reason to be made! He made us for a RELATIONSHIP! Daily! And eternally!! How cool is that???

So the second part, the point that hit me and taught me something, is this: the best way I can be living, in terms of how others observe my life, is to be daily dying to myself and clinging to God. That love--that sacrifice--it is the clearest and most fool proof witness to others. I don't have to pray that I just say the right things and look the right way so that people see Jesus and not my thousands of imperfections, I need to be dead to me and alive by Christ. That is true faith. That is where Love will intervene and reach others through me. God needs me to be all about surrender. That is the daily calling on this heart. Praise the Father above! Amen.


"He said to all of them, 'Those who want to come with me must say no to the things they want, pick up their crosses every day, and follow me.'" Luke 9:23