Dreamt a good dream for once last night after about two months of usually unpleasant ones. The place it left me was a place of peace and hope that time apart is really a good thing. There will be so much for me to learn over the summer and many people to talk to. This will be great for sure. I pray he will be ok, that he finds God where he needs Him through the mundane and the normal things. That would be really cool. I pray for change in my community of friends this summer, both for good and growth.
It occurred to me at dinner tonight that my lifestyle choices really are impacting how my friends view me. I don't want to watch the same things anymore, or talk about the same things in the same manner of joking and such. Is this making me a worse version of me? I don't think so. Am I being different to get noticed? No way, Hosea! I don't want to be noticed--in fact, the thing I want to do most this summer is hide from people.
That isn't going to happen.
There has been too much change in my heart for God. As I type this, I'm thinking "do you ever NOT refer to God anymore?" I guess it is hard for me not to. I'm still the same, hurt human being I was two months ago, I'm just dependent on different lifestyle choices that will bring a higher fulfillment to my heart and God's kingdom.
You guys, I'm pretty certain that in not too long from now, I will ease back into "normal" Sarah mode. I will watch tv again, when I feel like it. I will still watch the movies I really badly want to see and I still listen to music like crazy everyday. I will hang out just to be silly and cry with you when you are upset. Life isn't that different now that I'm loving God again, I just make sure He gets the credit and no one else! It is because of His love for me that I have been so loving to many of you in times past and today. It is because of His forgivness that I am so quick to forgive someone who might have wronged me or hurt my feelings. It is because of His grace and compassion that I care SO DARN MUCH all the time for people!! He's been a part of my life for my entire life.
Many seasons of my life, usually involving the times I've dated guys, I have fallen away from God. Every time I break up with them or they with me, I grow a tremendous amount closer in understanding of why life is the way it is and how the Father wants us to run to Him for life.
You know, I think that shows a lot about why I love God so much. Time and time again, I say, "Yeah I love you God" but find a guy who I like or as in the last man in my life, love, and idolize them over God. I seek for finding myself in the physical versus the spiritual. Yeah, that time is over. I pray a lot now for protection over my emotions in the future. I ask Him to show me when and if I meet my future husband, that we not jump right in to dating. I think I'm going to make a post solely about that...
Goodness, this is a long one! I hope this clears some things up a little for those of you wondering why such a drastic change in this young woman's life? If you do care to know more, whether something is bothering you about it or whatever, please ask me. I strive to be honest with people and the best way I can do that is if you ask me questions.
Honesty matters so much to me, even if it means the chance I might share something ugly. Hiding the bad parts does no good, trust me on that one. That's another story to share....maybe, eventually one day. Thanks for reading this far if you have, and may God bless you in your week!
Love, SjB
Sarah,
ReplyDeleteIt makes me so happy to see this stuff :) I really have worried about you, especially after the break up...but when I started seeing your status' that were about God, my mind was eased. Still, I should have tried harder to be there for you...I'm sorry :(
But back to the post...God is working amazing things in you, and I think that is so cool. With that, I have a few questions:
What are you going to do this summer to keep yourself in a Christian and supportive community?
Have you been reading your bible along with praying?
Have you considered reading any books about singleness? I have one in mind, it's called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris. I know it sounds extreme, but it is about not dating just to date, but only dating when you feel it is right, like a dating relationship that is heading towards marriage. Dating with a purpose, if you will. :)
<3
Sam-Totally know what you mean! Thanks for your love for me!!! You've always been a great friend and sister, even when we hardly talk at times, I always know you'll be there!
ReplyDeleteThis summer is going to be major!! Haha, well, for starters, I'm being discipled by a brother who actually has a lot in common with me spiritually, yet he is way more mature in his faith so it's like on way different levels. His friends will be able to meet me soon and hopefully we'll be meeting on our own and together, too. My cru Bible Study leaders are both from home and are hoping to join a bible study with other cru girls around from BSU--so there's that! I'm going to be involved for sure! Meeting lots of people to talk about faith and life is going to be a major part of the summer.
Through the past month I've read Romans, Philippians, and Ephesians and doing a daily devotional through a online Bible app which surprisingly has fit right in with my life lately. :) I've been intrigued by that book so now you've recommended it, I'm totally going to read it! Thanks soooo much! Love you!