Heart on sale….wait.

As I stated in the last post, I will share how I know what to expect for my love life from now on.

First of all, I do not wish to be noticed as “Single” and available. I’m not interested in meeting anyone right now or the idea of being with anyone.  I’ve met the perfect man for me and I’m letting God handle the rest.  I might be single the rest of my life. Or, He might have a husband in store for me. I’m willing to focus on growing as a woman of the Lord and establish a deeper understanding of maturity and womanhood through Christ-centered friendships and role models.

With my ex, even as I was not looking to God at the time we dated, I noticed a few things that must exist in my marriage:

Jesus!

Roles of man and woman as God created them

Family—the love for it and the addition of new members, God willing

Great friendship with each other and each other’s friends

Interest in the community that use our talents and strengths, both as a couple and as individuals

Prayer. How can we be honest and open with each other if we are not daily talking to God—our clever Matchmaker

Finally, a love so pure and humble that it just glows from our eyes and the words we speak to each other.

 

This is really hard for me to share, because I have experienced this love. My ex and I were perfect for each other. So perfect, we didn’t bother to protect ourselves from the chance (and inevitable) that we will let each other down. Now…I am 99.999% certain that the one thing that would have changed us is allowing God in to the relationship too. Yeah, we still would sin and hurt each other over time, not on purpose, never on purpose, but because we think we can do what we cannot (be perfect).  I’ve tried to protect him once and it turned out I was foolishly trying to be more powerful than I was. I needed him to do what I couldn’t from the get go, and that was be assertive to someone else. Taking that power away from him by lying to him just left three months of time to shade his view of me with the question of how trustworthy am I at all? One lie. One secret that I left behind me was surfaced in the most twisted and unpleasant way. I’m thankful I learned this lesson about myself now and not down the road, but the pain is not at all light. I still hurt from this daily because of how deeply I love him. I assume he is still hurting but I don’t know, we don’t talk. If I could tell him anything it would be that I still love him and I’ve cut off the poison that leaked into our relationship for good. I’m trying my best and God is doing what I cannot do alone. Praise Him on high for all great forgiveness and love! Thank You, Father for teaching me and loving me when I feel the least loved. In Jesus’ name.